How are you?

It’s a simple question actually. One that we ask each other often. But, lately I haven’t been sure how to answer it.

In the grand scheme of things, my answer is: Good. Really good.

I love motherhood. My life has really balanced in the last few months. (Finally.) The number of out of the house activities is not too many. I’m getting a fair amount of sleep (less than I would have thought I needed). Connor and I have a nice, but flexible, daily routine. I’m finding time and energy for creative pursuits.

But, answering the question that way has two problems.

(1) It doesn’t usually lead to actual conversation.

That’s sometimes fine though. How are you? functions like Hello or What’s up? It’s a moment of connection. I see you. You matter.

But (2) it’s not exactly honest.

Motherhood is awesome. And awesomely hard. For every excellent moment, there’s at least one tough one.

The moment in the middle of the night where I lose my temper with the baby because I haven’t trimmed his fingernails and they’re digging in to the back of my arm.

The one where instead of greeting my husband with a smile, he gets a tired and cranky, Hey.

None of this is unexpected or abnormal. The problem is in how I process the feelings. I’m discovering that it’s important for me to learn how to share in a way that is both authentic and helpful. To own the feeling, then release it and move on. To say, “This is what I’m dealing with right now.”

I’m not totally sure what this will look like yet. As an introvert, it isn’t in my nature to be very forthcoming with my inner self. As a Midwesterner, it isn’t in my culture to whine about hardships. But as a human, connecting with honesty is important.

So if you ask me how I am, I’ll try to be honest.

Really good. And kinda bad.

 

How do you answer this question? What factors influence your response?