I realize that’s a strange title, and probably even stranger when I tell you it’s a new mantra of mine.

Go to the funeral.

No one wants to go to a funeral. Culturally we’re pretty uncomfortable with death and grief. Going to a funeral isn’t a pleasant way to spend the day. But you should go, and here is why.

Death is a reminder of our mortality, and working through them collectively reminds us of our humanity. Funerals can be powerful, cathartic, joyful, and sublime. But that’s not the main reason for the mantra.

I got married in 2009, and while I treasure every person who came to our wedding, I have clearer and deeper memories of the people who came to my grandfather’s funeral in 2000. My other grandma, and many others from the other side of the family who didn’t really know my grandpa came, and I remember that really striking me at age 13.

Likewise, at my grandma’s funeral last fall I was blessed by the presence of several friends who had never met my grandma. But they loved me and my family enough to travel and hour and a half one way for her funeral.

That’s what I mean when I say, “go to the funeral.” Go out of your way to be with someone in their grief and need. They will remember. I heard someone else describe it as running towards trauma. It’s not instinctive, but it is meaningful and powerful.

It’s hard, and I’m going to fail at it, which I hate. But I’m going to keep trying. Because there are people in my life that I love, and I want to love them in their hard times, not just the good times. I can’t change the world, but I can make an impact on someone’s world.

And I’m going to do that by going to the funeral.